A Good Day for Dairy Free

cloned cows creating a moo

Today is possibly the first time I have ever been happy to be lactose intolerant.

After a year of eating lactose free cheese ( which is pointless, and tastes like sawdust), drinking sugar free vanilla soya lattes from Starbucks (which costs extra) and basically being a nightmare in resturants, my time has eventually come - I can finally say, thank god I don't drink milk.

Over the past few days milk has hit the national headlines, after produce from cloned animals has entered the British food chain - and the scary thing is that no-one knows who is drinking it.

Basically this all sounds like typical British behaviour to me. It's all a bit over-the-top, scare mongering, and pathetic. Suddenly we are all terrified that one sip of milk, one scoop of ice-cream is going to turn us into three headed, black-and-white spotted, grass eating mutants, who spend their days running round in circles, mooing and lying down when it rains.

Fair enough, maybe we have a right to be worried. I'm one of those weird people who likes to know what's in their food, where did it come from, and how the animals have been treated. However, I'm not worried that the wrong type of milk, cheese, butter, or even icecream might transform me into a mutant.

I agree with Tom Chivers from the Daily Telegraph when he says: "I stand by my statement that the odds of cloned milk being a health risk are negligible. Laughable, even." Like Tom, I am no expert, however I also find it laughable that the country is (once agin) up-in-arms, paniking about a problem, which may (or may not) be harmful, or even a problem at all.

But who am I to talk - I'm lactose intolerant - I'm not eating it.

Last week someone gave me a chinese sweet to eat, and being an idiot, and hungry, i accepted it. I couldn't read the label, it was in chinese, so I thought, 'what the hell' and ate it - more fool me.

Now, one allergic reaction later, I can't speak, eat, or really do much apart from make weird noises. It is painful, and embarressing, particularly as I had a bank appointment where they treated me as an imbeciel, and refused my overdraft - unfair when you can respond - particulary when said bank made "7bn profit" that day.

So, I have learned my lesson the hard way. Never accept food when you don't know what's in it.

However, this new cloned agenda shouldn't stop those who can enjoy cream, cheese and milk, enjoying it. Don't freak out and stop buying our farmers produce just because it might have been cloned, because in all fairness, what are the chances of it being in your cup of tea?

But, if you're that worried, why not try joining us lactose free people for a while - bet you'll be back to the semi-skimmed in no time.